Hi {{ first_name | friend}},
You can order food and get it in 15 minutes. You can binge an entire season of a show in one sitting. You can buy something with one tap at 2 AM and forget you even wanted it by morning.
Everything around us is designed to remove waiting.
And I think it's quietly making us weaker.
Not in some dramatic way. In a slow, invisible way, where we lose the ability to sit with discomfort, to choose "not yet," and to protect our time and energy from things that don't actually matter.
Today I want to talk about two skills I believe are among the most underrated in the world right now:
Delaying gratification and saying no.
The Case for "Not Yet"
You've probably heard of the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. In the 1960s, psychologist Walter Mischel gave kids a simple choice: eat one marshmallow now, or wait 15 minutes and get two. The researchers followed those kids for decades. The ones who waited had higher SAT scores, lower rates of substance abuse, better stress management, and even lower BMI later in life.
It turns out this isn't just about willpower. It's one of the strongest predictors of long-term success across nearly every area of life.
And here's the problem: we now live in an environment that actively works against this skill. The average person checks their phone 96 times a day. Every app on your phone is optimized to close the gap between wanting and having.
When you scroll instead of reading, you're choosing instant relief over long-term growth. When you say yes to every meeting, you're choosing short-term approval over deep work. When you buy something the moment you want it, you never learn to ask: "Do I actually need this?"
The ability to say "not yet" is one of the most valuable skills you can build. Not because suffering is good. But because the best things in life... learning a new skill, building a business, writing consistently, getting in shape... almost always require a stretch of time where it doesn't feel great.
The Power of "No"
And then there's saying no.
This one is harder than it sounds, especially if you're someone who wants to help, who wants to be liked, or who just has a hard time disappointing people.
Psychologist Vanessa Patrick's research on "empowered refusal" found something interesting: saying "I don't" instead of "I can't" makes you significantly more likely to stick to your boundaries. Because it frames the decision as identity, not deprivation. "I can't check my phone during dinner" feels like restriction. "I don't check my phone during dinner" feels like a choice.
And saying no isn't just about people. It's about protecting your attention.
Every time you say yes to something that doesn't matter, you're saying no to something that does. Every notification you check, every "quick call" you accept, every project you take on out of guilt... it all adds up.
I've been practicing this more intentionally lately. Saying no to content I don't need to consume. Saying no to commitments that drain my energy without giving anything back. Saying no to the urge to check my phone every time I'm bored.
Here's what I've found: saying no doesn't make you selfish. It makes you available, for the things and people that actually matter.
If you struggle with this, start small. Say no to one thing today that you'd normally say yes to on autopilot. Notice how it feels. You might be surprised.
Speaking of Protecting Your Time
This reminds me of Stephen Covey's "jar of rocks" idea: if you fill your jar with sand first (the quick syncs, the "pick your brain" calls), the big rocks never fit. Check out this week's Time Wealth Club newsletter on how to make your calendar actually serve your priorities. Also on LinkedIn.
Where This Reflection Actually Comes From
I'll be honest about where these ideas have been on my mind lately.
Today is the first day of Ramadan, and I'm fasting. For the next 30 days, from dawn to sunset, I won't eat or drink.
But here's what most people don't realize: the food part is actually the easy part.
Ramadan is really a 30-day practice of everything I just described. You're more intentional about avoiding gossip, avoiding excess, avoiding waste. You pray more. You reflect more. You slow down. You practice patience, not as a concept, but as a lived, physical experience.
You wake up before sunrise and eat, knowing you won't eat again until evening. That's delayed gratification in its most literal form. You walk past a coffee shop at 3 PM when you're exhausted, and you keep walking. That's saying no when every part of you wants to say yes.
And what I've noticed, every single year, is that these 30 days reset something. Not just physically, but mentally. The patience muscle gets stronger. The ability to choose intentionally instead of reacting gets sharper.
You don't have to fast to practice this. But you can ask yourself: What would it look like to spend the next 30 days being more intentional about what you say yes to?
Even picking one thing, one habit, one distraction, one unnecessary commitment, and saying "not for the next 30 days" could change more than you expect.
If you want a little help building better daily habits, I write about this regularly at Daily Habits, where I share practical tools, book recommendations, and ideas for making small changes stick.
I'm still figuring all of this out, like everything else I share here. But I thought it was worth passing along.
If any of this resonated, hit reply and tell me: what's one thing you'd like to say no to for the next 30 days?
See you next Tuesday,
Selim
P.S. If you're curious about digital writing or want to start your own newsletter, whether for your business or just for yourself, I'm happy to help. Just reply to this email and let's talk.